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20 Things A Mother Should Tell Her Son

1. You will set the tone for the sexual relationship,

so don't take something away from her that you

can't give back.

2. Play a sport.  It will teach you how to win

 honorably, lose gracefully, respect authority,

 work with others, manage your time and stay

 out of trouble.   And maybe even throw or catch.

3. Use careful aim when you pee.  Somebody's

 got to clean that up, you know.

4. Save money when you're young because

you're going to need it some day.

5. Allow me to introduce you to the

 dishwasher, oven, washing machine,

 iron, vacuum, mop and broom.  Now please

go use them.

6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.

7. Don't ever be a bully and don't ever

 start a fight, but if some idiot clocks

 you, please defend yourself.

8. Your knowledge and education is

something that nobody can take away from

you.

9. Treat women kindly.  Forever is a long

time to live alone and it's even longer to live

 with somebody who hates your guts.

10. Take pride in your appearance.

11. Be strong and tender at the same time.

12. A woman can do everything that you

 can do.  This includes her having a

successful career and you changing diapers

 at 3 A.M.  Mutual respect is the key to a

good relationship.

13. "Yes ma'am" and "yes sir" still go a

 long way.

14. The reason that they're called "private parts"

is because they're "private".  Please do not scratch

 them in public.

15. Peer pressure is a scary thing.  Be a good

leader and others will follow.

16. Bringing her flowers for no reason is

 always a good idea.

17. Be patriotic.

18. Potty humor isn't the only thing

 that's humorous.

19. Please choose your spouse wisely. 

 My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper

 for me spending time with you and

my grandchildren.

20. Remember to call your mother

because I might be missing you.